• Rebecca Fry

Tapping away self-consciousness

With the lockdown restrictions easing only ever so slightly; we are still needing to find new ways of communicating - both within our work lives and in our social lives. Many people are now getting used to video calling and the need to communicate in slightly different ways to those we may have used more regularly before.

Although the technology has been in place for quite some time, for some of us, there may still be some resistance to video calling in certain circumstances - more specifically maybe, if considering using online dating platforms or going on a virtual date.

Often, we can feel rather self-conscious on a video call – especially if it’s outside of a more formal work framework, but even then the thought of others seeing your ‘video’ face up on a big screen somewhere remotely from where you may be working, can result in feelings ranging from slight embarrassment to deep anxiety prior to having to log on to the cyber meeting. No matter how many times we get told, or tell ourselves, that everyone feels a similar trepidation and that we’re all in the same boat; it rarely allays our fears - which can stem from a number of root causes.

Having been someone who was extremely concerned about other’s opinion of me when I first began performing with a jazz trio and having a real fear of visibility – especially if someone began filming any part of the set on their phones; I can empathise with these feelings of self-consciousness and fear of somehow being judged harshly by others.

I used EFT tapping to overcome my fears of being seen and heard as a performer and being seen and heard in general, whether in a work environment or socially - be it in person or on a screen.

Here’s a more in depth tapping routine to help us let go of this self-consciousness and of any fear of others’ judgement (and even of our own self judgement – after all, many of us are our own harshest critic).

Using the tapping points below (missing out the under-nose point during the covid19 situation if this feels more comfortable – you can even just imagine tapping this point as you go through the sequence)

EFT Tapping Points 1.Side of Hand (SH)* 2.Eyebrow (EB) 3.Side of Eye (SE) 4.Under Eye (UE)

5.Under Nose (UN)

6.Chin (CH) 7.Collarbone (CB) 8.Under Arm (UA)

9.Top of Head (TH)

Take a deep breath in through the nose for the count of 4 – hold for the count of 2 – release breath slowly through the mouth for the count of 6. Take another deep breath in through the nose, filling the belly and again count for 4 – hold for the count of 2 – release the breath slowly through the mouth for the count of 6. Do this in the same way for a third breath, in through the nose, filling the belly for the count of 4 – hold for 2 – release slowly through the mouth for the count of 6.

Tune into your body again. Where do you feel this anxiousness, self-consciousness, fear or embarrassment? Give this feeling a score out of 10 if you can - 10/10 being the most anxiousness, self-consciousness, fear or embarrassment you can feel and 0/10 feeling no such feelings at all. How does the feeling look, feel or sound? Does it come into your thoughts as a colour or a shape, a sound or a sensation in your body? Do any images of the past (long ago in the past or in the more recent past) come to mind? You might find that you start to link this feeling to something that happened when you were a child – maybe at school.

Whatever comes to mind most strongly, hold that for a moment if it feels safe to do so. If it feels too overwhelming, don’t think of the memory directly, imagine you are projecting this image onto a screen in a room other than the room you’re in – at a safe distance from where you are.

Begin to tap on the Side of your hand (SH)

Take another deep breath in through the nose and release slowly through the mouth.

Whilst tapping on the Side of Hand (SH) say what is in your mind:

SH ‘even though I feel this anxiousness, self-consciousness, fear or embarrassment and even though it may be linked to that day in school, I feel it’s bubbling up again now before I log onto this video call. I deeply and completely love and accept myself and I honour these feelings.

Say this (or some similar words that feel right for you) three times always tapping on the Side of Hand.

Then go to the Eyebrow (EB) point and follow all the points through the sequence.

EB: All this self-consciousness SE: Feeling embarrassed to be seen on a video screen UE: I feel some anxiety and fear bubbling up UN: All this anxiousness. All this self-consciousness. All this embarrassment. CH: What will people think? CB: Feeling unsafe and vulnerable UA: Feeling this anxiousness now and feeling so self-conscious TH: All this fear and anxiousness about being seen and heard on screen. Feeling embarrassed and afraid of being judged harshly.

Take a deep breath in through the nose and release the breath slowly through the mouth.

Do this round a few times until you feel the anxiousness, self-consciousness or embarrassment subsiding.

Once you are down to a 4/10 or under you can begin to introduce some more positive thoughts into the sequence

Then go back to the Eyebrow point (EB)

EB: I’m open to begin to believe that I can release these unhelpful feelings now SE: I’m ready to start releasing these old fears and self-consciousness and these old ways of thinking UE: I’m open to releasing some of this anxiousness, self-consciousness and fear now UN: All this fear of being judged harshly. Judging myself harshly. All this Anxiety. All this self-consciousness and embarrassment. CH: Open to releasing these feelings now CB: Open to feeling calmer and more centred in all situations where I’m visible and where I’m heard now. UA: Maybe I can begin to release all these unhelpful anxious feelings now TH: Maybe I can begin to feel safe and release this self-consciousness now – moving into peacefulness and a place of calm and open to feeling safe now.

Take a deep breath in through the nose and release the breath slowly through the mouth.

Check in with your body and any thoughts that may have come up for you whilst doing these tapping rounds.

Has your ‘out of ten’ number gone up or down? Keep tapping using the words that feel most ‘true’ to you. You can do two or three more rounds or keep tapping until your number out of 10 has reduced to below a 3/10.

You can use any words that pop into your mind during your tapping. Simply allow what needs to come up, to come up.

If any feelings of overwhelm arise at any point – go to the collar bone point or tap your wrists and breath in and out slowly – repeating ‘I am safe, all is well.’

Should you feel you need more tapping to get that 4/10 or below to a 0/10 - continue tapping on what has come up regarding your feelings of self-consciousness, fear or embarrassment. Maybe an episode from school or another incident from when you were younger.

SH: Even though when I was tapping, I was thinking about the school play when I couldn’t catch my breath and I wasn’t able to say my lines (use whatever might have come up for you), I honour these feelings and I love and accept myself completely. I honour where I am now.

Say this again three times whilst tapping the SH.

Then go to Eyebrow point and tap through each point saying:

EB: all the feelings that just came to me then, the fear of being judged, the memory of the school play and losing my breath (or whatever has come up for you) SE: all these feelings, making me feel (verbalise these feelings) UE: all these feelings, reminding me of the school play embarrassment (or whatever has come up for you) UN: Maybe I’m ready to begin to release these now CH: Maybe I can’t release this fear / self-consciousness / embarrassment CB: I’m open to believing that I can start to release this old energy, these old patterns, this old fear UA: I’m ready to release these feelings that no longer serve me now TH: I’m open to releasing all the old fears and anxieties, all the old stories, all the old patterns that have been running in my subconscious now. I am safe to do this easily, peacefully and effortlessly now.

EB: Open to releasing all these feelings that no longer serve me SE: Open to releasing all the fear, anxiousness and self-consciousness from the past UE: Open to releasing all the fear, anxiousness and embarrassment of the present UN: Open to letting go and moving forward feeling peaceful and safe. I am enough. CH: All the old fear and old self-conscious feelings CB: Letting these all go now UA: All the old programming is beginning to be released now TH: I am safe to let it go now and move forward peacefully and calmly. SH: I am safe. I am calm. I am loved. I am enough.

Take a deep breath in through the nose to the count or 4, hold for the count 2, then release slowly and mindfully for the count of 6.

As you RELEASE the breath, RELEASE all that was being held within.

Tune into your body and take a few more cleansing breaths.

Notice how you feel when you think about logging on to a video call and notice the difference in that feeling.

You may need to do some more tapping on this if your number out of ten is still higher than 4/10. Just go back to the top of this tapping script and keep tapping until you can feel a subsidence of the feelings and until your number out of ten has gone down to a 2/10 or less.

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